Making a relationship work can be hard. You remember – ‘it used to be easier; now, so often when we try to talk we fight instead. I am hurting, and upset, and discouraged. I don’t understand what happened and what is happening. Can anyone help?’ I hear this a lot.
I specialize in couples therapy. I am a Certified Emotionally Focused (EFT) Therapist. I also actively use Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy or PACT, but EFT being my dominant lens.
I wonder if the following is at all familiar to you? One of you seems to always pull away when there are difficult discussions to be had. And when that happens, the other person in the relationship can easily start to feel abandoned. Conversely, one of you feels like they always have to bring things up, chase, pursue – and then the other person feels criticized; like they are doing it wrong.
If you recognized yourself or your partner here, there is good news. This is not a sign that your relationship is doomed. Rather, it is a sign that a cycle has established itself in your relationship. Once a cycle starts up, it sweeps up both partners unwillingly into the next fight. All of this can be exhausting. The result can be a loss of security, trust, and hope. I am here to help.
EFT provides new ways of helping couples de-escalate their interactions, and then learn new ways of engaging. We call it emotional restructuring. The impacts can be powerful and long-lasting. This is much more than some tools and techniques; we will be working directly with the machinery of attachment and meaning-making deep inside ourselves. The EFT approach has been proven through decades of research, and it works.
PACT provides ways to recognize/understand triggers, and also your own and partners Attachment style. It also helps the couple to attune to changes in the voice, body language and facial expressions. In other words it significantly reduces distress by non-verbal attunement, moving the couple towards a new level of trust and security.
By rebuilding the fabric of safe connection, we can become a safe-haven and a secure base for our partner. This then helps us effectively work through our differences and conflicts. I am here to help you rediscover your positive, trusting connection with your partner. Your relationship can become again the sweet dance that you remember.
“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who
could not hear the music”.
– Friedrich Nietzsche